Be listening to the Breakfast Show just after 7:00 am weekdays to ensure you get your daily dose and be first card out of the deck for the day.

Monday: How long does it take to reheat fish in the microwave? Tuna half minutes!

Elvis’ Bonus: When I went to a restaurant last night, the manager asked if I could wait a bit, I said “sure”. He said “can you take these drinks to table 9”?

Bob’s Bonus: Johnny was asked by the teacher how to spell ‘water’. He answered ‘HIJKLMNO’. Teacher said ‘wrong’! Johnny retorted ‘but you told us last week H2O’!

Paul’s Bonus: Why don’t you get hungry at the beach? Because of all the sand-wiches!

Tuesday: My son told me he didn’t think he’d like alphabet soup, but turns out he does. Now he’s going to eat his words!

Bob’s Bonus: A bloke concluded that all computers are female. He said ‘as soon as you commit to one, you spend all your money accessorising them’!

Elvis’ Bonus: I started a second job, it’s a chicken dating service. I’m just trying to make hens meet!

Wednesday: A hole developed in my tooth so I went to see my dentist the other day – but she was on vacation. Instead there was a locum filling in!

Elvis’ Bonus: Lance isn’t a common name these days, but back in medieval times people were named Lance a lot!

Paul’s Bonus: Paddy and Mick were having lunch when Paddy complained that he had corned beef and pickle sandwiches for lunch, again! Mick said, why don’t you ask your wife to make you something different tomorrow. Paddy said “I can’t do that – I make them myself”!

Bob’s Bonus: The girls have decided that computers must be males. To get their attention, you have to turn them on… and eventhough they’ve got lots of data, they still can’t think for themselves!

Thursday: President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech and said “If you were my husband I would poison your tea”. Lincoln replied “well if you were my wife, I’ll gladly drink it”!

Bob’s Bonus: What do you call a group of baboons? A senate!

Gerhard’s Bonus: Watched a UB40 tribute act last night called WD40. They were a bit rusty at the start, but got better as the night went on!

Friday: What do you call an extremely clingy alien? A personal space invader!

Nikki’s Mumma joke: What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrial!

Nikki’s Bonus: What can’t you take an inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the Tally Ban!