Be listening to the Breakfast Show just after 7:00 am weekdays to ensure you get your daily dose and be first card out of the deck for the day.

Monday: A friend said a wine he tried recently was bitter and not properly fermented. Sounds like sour grapes to me!

Bob’s Bonus: On the weekend I was asked if I use Viagra. I replied “If I did, it would be just like putting a brand new flag pole on a condemned building”!

Elvis’ Bonus: I paid $500 for a limousine without a driver. Now I have nothing to chauffeur it!

Tuesday: Someone stole my car last night but left their mobile phone in the parking space. Went from Kia to Nokia overnight!

Elvis’ Bonus: I was going to cook alligator for dinner, but realised I only had a crock pot!

Bob’s Bonus: A very large fire at a shoe store overnight. Police have reported that more than 500 soles were lost!

Wednesday: What do bees do when their friends move into a new hive? They have a house swarming party!

Bob’s Bonus: A man fell into a large vat at the coffee factory and drowned. His grieving wife said “He didn’t suffer – it was instant”!

Elvis’ Bonus: I caught my boy playing around with the electrical cord, so I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly!

Thursday: What goes trot trot dash dash trot?\ Horse code!

Bob’s Bonus: A near miss on the M1 yesterday. A Wilkinson Sword and a Gillette truck nearly collided. Both drivers said it was the closest shave they have ever had!

Elvis’ Bonus: If you teach a wolf to meditate, does it become aware wolf?

Friday: I joined the reverse origami club last night. I will let you know how it unfolds!

Nikki’s Mumma joke: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!